Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Forget Gay Marriage; Let's Ban Conservative Marriage!

As expected, gay marriage opponents are leaping on reports of the first gay divorces in Massachusetts:

Opponents of gay marriage said the divorces, occurring so soon after the
weddings, confirm that gay couples are not equipped for marriage.
"We're not
surprised," said Kris Mineau, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute,
which is fighting for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.
"Particularly among male homosexuals, the promiscuity is just phenomenal."

That's right! Heterosexuals never divorce within months or weeks of getting married, nor are heterosexual males promiscuous, doing things like having two mistresses at the same time while Police Chief of New York City, for instance. It's not like Rush Limbaugh, arch-conservative defender of "values," and drug-addict, has been married and divorced three times. Oh, wait, it is like that. It's also not like Massachusetts, bastion of liberal thought, has the lowest divorce rate in the nation, while the red states have the highest. Oh, wait, it is like that.

The national divorce rate is around 50% without legal gay marriage. The argument that gay divorces proves gay marriages are unsound would only work if gays divorced at a substantially higher rate than 50%. But, of course, gay marriage opponents seem to think that if any gays get divorced at all, it proves gay marriage unsound. Even though heterosexual divorce proves nothing, apparently. Despite the fact that it would be surprising in the extreme if the gay divorce rate were 0% and no one with half a brain in his or her head expected any such thing (and the anti-gay marriage lobby knew gays would get divorced, not because gay marriage is "wrong" but because human nature dictated it... they were just licking their chops waiting for this opportunity).

The rational argument being lost here is obvious, even after conservative attempts to obscure it: Conservative couples are the ones "not equipped for marriage." If getting divorces is any kind of indicator of whether a segment of the population should have access to legal marriage, then conservatives and red-staters should be the first ones to have their privileges revoked. The jury is still out on gay marriage. But we already know that conservatives can't stay married to save their lives! Let's deal with the proven issue first and worry about the unproven issue when the facts are in.

Therefore, I call all conservatives who are interested in lowering the divorce rate in this nation to join with me in my call for a Constitutional Amendment banning conservative marriage! If you aren't a bunch of hypocrites, you will do just that.

I'll be waiting.


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