Thursday, February 15, 2007

I Don't Look Druish...

Apparently, I am a kabbalist and I didn't even know it. According to two legislators -- one in Georgia, one in Texas -- who can, as Ed Brayton notes in Dispatches from the Culture Wars, really "bring the crazy," teaching evolution in schools is unconstitutional because evolution isn't a scientific theory proposed by Charles Darwin 150 years or so ago, but rather it is the religious dogma of the Pharisees as preserved through the practice of kabballa.

I am not making this up:

"Indisputable evidence – long hidden but now available to everyone – demonstrates
conclusively that so-called 'secular evolution science' is the Big Bang, 15-billion-year, alternate 'creation scenario' of the Pharisee Religion," writes Mr. Bridges, a Republican from Cleveland, Ga.

Man. I am just floored. I can't believe I was so totally hoodwinked by those damned Pharisees. First they kill Christ, and then they make me believe in evolution. Bastards!

Mr. Bridges also supplies a link to a document that describes scientists Carl Sagan and Albert Einstein as "Kabbalists" and laments "Hollywood's unrelenting role in flooding the movie theaters with explicit or implicit endorsement of evolutionism."

Damn! That Einstein is sure a slippery fellow. He tricked me! I believed the fundamentalist Christians when they told me Einstein was theist because he used the word "God" sometimes, even though he seemed to be using it metaphorically and explicitly denied believing in a "personal god." Now, it turns out he's really a dirty Pharisee and kabbalist bent on destroying the Gentiles with crazy Pharisaical ideas like "relativity" and "delicatessens." Damn Pharisees.

And Sagan! Man! I thought he was an atheist! What a sucker I was. Goes to show you can't believe a book by its cover, or a man by how he looks... or what he says consistently... or what he writes about at length in numberous books and magazines, or what he makes the centerpiece of his only novel...

And here, I bet he secretly didn't work on the Sabbath or pay taxes! (Read your bibles, people!)

I also like how this crazy screed "assails what it calls 'the evolution monopoly in the schools.'"

Yep. Teaching science and not religion in science class sure is a monopoly. I think we need to do something about this, but not just in science class. I think we need to break the "George Washington was the first President of the US" monopoly in history class and teach the "controversy" about whether George Washington was really Captain James T. Kirk in disguise!*

And what about that damned Pythagorean Theorem monopoly in trigonometry class? We need to teach the controversy there, too, don't we? After all, some people** believe that, in reality, the hypotenuse isn't the sum of the squares of the other two sides of a right triangle, but is actually always 1138, as George Lucas tried to tell us in his documentary film THX-1138.

And then there's the ridiculous "the world is composed of multiple, independent nation states" monopoly when, of course, the entire world is actually ruled by the descendants of the European royal families, the Freemasons, the Skulls, and the Elders of Zion. Why isn't that controversy in our textbooks, huh?


But seriously, if we're going to teach fiction in science class, why not in history, or trigonometry, or political science classes? Why is it that the only "monopoly" these right wing nutbags are concerned about is the monopoly of teaching science in (rather aptly named) science classes?

Heck, for that matter, how come they don't teach animal husbandry in Sunday school? Why be consistent there and actually teach the subject matter at hand when they want to throw logic out the window when it comes to science class?


*It's not much of a controversy yet, since everyone but me is so "indoctrinated" by the myth of "George Washington, first President of the US" that they can't see the "indisputable" truth before them.
**Okay, this one is just me too. Only I have managed to see through the dogma!


At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do agree with you on this Markiarchy. Religion shouldn't be taught in science class, but religion should be allowed as a subject for the student to make their own decision. Not just one religion but any or all of them in a semester.

I haven't posted in awhile, I wanted to let you and Paul et. al. get all of the insults out of your system. I'm not a troll, I'm just too busy to fool with you from time to time. Besides arguing with someone whose best defense is "I'm right and you're wrong" isn't really much of a debate. You still can't disprove the existence of God any more than you can prove the big bang (it remains even when taught in school, a theory). I believe in the big bang by the way, I just think there was more to it than a random interaction of atoms and plasma. My little degree in physics is worth something after all.

I digress. I'm still asking my imaginary God for guidance concerning you. I've got to tell you and your buddies that if you view Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell as the pinnacles of Christian teaching, you are booing the wrong team. They certainly don't represent the morals and beliefs I have any more than Osama bin Laden represents the values of mainstream Islam. Every religion has it's share of kooks, and I think that is mainly due to the man becoming larger in his own mind than the belief which drives him. We call that fanaticism.

One thing I cannot figure out is why we cannot be anti-semitic, we can't be anti-gay, and we musn't be racist nor can we offend any religion save one. Why is it okay to mock my God and call Christians idiots and write all sorts of drivel about them when we can't do all of these other things? My short answer is that we're right and just ticks everybody else off. Seriously, though I truly believe that Allah, Yaweh, God, the Tao are one and the same. The difference that Christianity offers is that humans cannot possibly work their way to a relationship with God and that they must use faith in Jesus Christ as the bridge to that. That is not to say that one musn't work at being a Christian. You have to. But unlike Islam or Judaism or even the reincarnation cycles of Taoism and Buddhism there is no human act which can bring us closer to God save faith in Jesus Christ.

Am I right? Well I don't know, ask me when I'm dead. I'll have to get back to you on that one. My only beef with you is to blatantly call my belief phony when you've never experienced it. That's just kind of insulting and deserves a response. That's the only reason I'm here. Did you do what I asked? Did you genuinely ask God to focus on one thing in your life and change it for you? Probably not because that's just stupid isn't it? You see, it's easy to discount what you've never tried. You can even start a prayer with "This is lame but I'm doing it for science." Approach it as empirical research. But don't knock it till you've tried it. That's all I ask. If you don't it changes nothing, you still don't know what you're talking about because you've never done it yourself. It's like trying to explain sex to someone who hasn't ever done it. You know how the parts work, but you can't quite piece it all together. That's my challenge, you might come up empty as Paul said. It might take the rest of your life, but I promise you that something will change for you. God understands doubt and He wants to change it. Denial is another story.

I'd have more tolerance and respect for you if you believed in anything other than I'm just a stupid kook with no proof. Are you just a complex chain of proteins and molecules or are you something more? Oh and if you think Christianity is a magic religion that bestows sugar and love on you after you believe apparently you haven't read the bible at all or you would realize that Paul wrote most of his letters from prison and that most of the remaining disciples were hunted down and imprisoned or killed for their beliefs. Magic Fun Always Happy Christians? Never heard of one. You let me know when you find one. God never promises anyone a bowl of cherries. In fact, Jesus Himself promised adversity for belief in Him.

On an entirely personal note, sorry about your diabetic cat. I have 3 and they are like our fuzzy children. That must be hard to cope with sometimes. You've got to build a chatroom. My comment had nothing to do with your post and I demand equal airtime!

At 6:37 PM, Blogger R. Paul Wiegand said...

Regarding: "wanted to let you and Paul et. al. get all of the insults out of your system" ...

I am not certain how I've ever insulted Anon ... could you be more specific?

From my perspective, I've gone out of my way to put myself between Anon and Mark. If I've been disrespectful, please point out the particular post where I've insulted you specifically ... or even your beliefs in general.

I have, however, claimed that Anon has [him|her]self been insulting (see here). There's no doubt Mark has been insulting, but that's one of the point's of his blog ... so ... if you're going to swim in shark infested waters, etc.

As to your suggested prayer experiment for Mark, if you'd read any of my replies you would have seen that I've, in fact, performed that very experiment ... and much more. You claim I'm insulting you, but you're clearly not reading what I've written. Strange.


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