I Don't Look Druish...

Apparently, I am a kabbalist and I didn't even know it. According to two legislators -- one in Georgia, one in Texas -- who can, as Ed Brayton notes in Dispatches from the Culture Wars, really "bring the crazy," teaching evolution in schools is unconstitutional because evolution isn't a scientific theory proposed by Charles Darwin 150 years or so ago, but rather it is the religious dogma of the Pharisees as preserved through the practice of kabballa.

I am not making this up:

"Indisputable evidence – long hidden but now available to everyone – demonstrates
conclusively that so-called 'secular evolution science' is the Big Bang, 15-billion-year, alternate 'creation scenario' of the Pharisee Religion," writes Mr. Bridges, a Republican from Cleveland, Ga.

Man. I am just floored. I can't believe I was so totally hoodwinked by those damned Pharisees. First they kill Christ, and then they make me believe in evolution. Bastards!

Mr. Bridges also supplies a link to a document that describes scientists Carl Sagan and Albert Einstein as "Kabbalists" and laments "Hollywood's unrelenting role in flooding the movie theaters with explicit or implicit endorsement of evolutionism."

Damn! That Einstein is sure a slippery fellow. He tricked me! I believed the fundamentalist Christians when they told me Einstein was theist because he used the word "God" sometimes, even though he seemed to be using it metaphorically and explicitly denied believing in a "personal god." Now, it turns out he's really a dirty Pharisee and kabbalist bent on destroying the Gentiles with crazy Pharisaical ideas like "relativity" and "delicatessens." Damn Pharisees.

And Sagan! Man! I thought he was an atheist! What a sucker I was. Goes to show you can't believe a book by its cover, or a man by how he looks... or what he says consistently... or what he writes about at length in numberous books and magazines, or what he makes the centerpiece of his only novel...

And here, I bet he secretly didn't work on the Sabbath or pay taxes! (Read your bibles, people!)

I also like how this crazy screed "assails what it calls 'the evolution monopoly in the schools.'"

Yep. Teaching science and not religion in science class sure is a monopoly. I think we need to do something about this, but not just in science class. I think we need to break the "George Washington was the first President of the US" monopoly in history class and teach the "controversy" about whether George Washington was really Captain James T. Kirk in disguise!*

And what about that damned Pythagorean Theorem monopoly in trigonometry class? We need to teach the controversy there, too, don't we? After all, some people** believe that, in reality, the hypotenuse isn't the sum of the squares of the other two sides of a right triangle, but is actually always 1138, as George Lucas tried to tell us in his documentary film THX-1138.

And then there's the ridiculous "the world is composed of multiple, independent nation states" monopoly when, of course, the entire world is actually ruled by the descendants of the European royal families, the Freemasons, the Skulls, and the Elders of Zion. Why isn't that controversy in our textbooks, huh?

Jeesh.

But seriously, if we're going to teach fiction in science class, why not in history, or trigonometry, or political science classes? Why is it that the only "monopoly" these right wing nutbags are concerned about is the monopoly of teaching science in (rather aptly named) science classes?

Heck, for that matter, how come they don't teach animal husbandry in Sunday school? Why be consistent there and actually teach the subject matter at hand when they want to throw logic out the window when it comes to science class?

Argh.

*It's not much of a controversy yet, since everyone but me is so "indoctrinated" by the myth of "George Washington, first President of the US" that they can't see the "indisputable" truth before them.
**Okay, this one is just me too. Only I have managed to see through the dogma!